On September 1st, 2011 I will be participating in the 30 Days of Muchness project created by the lovely Tova Gold, a fellow babyloss mama who lost her identical twin girls, Sunshine and Daisy to TTTS. I will be sharing highlights from my journey with you. Here is the scoop on her project and how you can take the challenge as well. Thank you Tova for taking the time to share this amazing project with us. You are such an amazing and inspiring woman!
– Julie, Grieve Out Loud Founder
“I used to be Much Muchier, But then I lost my Muchness.”
I read this quote, from Alice In Wonderland, and it changed my life.
I thought, “That’s me!” I used to be much Muchier! I used to be vibrant and confident! Full of optimism, positivity. As I got older, got married, got into the routine of a job, marriage, kids… ya know, life- my Muchness started fading. I felt at the time it was a small trade-off for the things I did have – a great husband, a beautiful daughter, a reliable job. But then, I lost my babies. And whatever was left of my Muchness died with them.
I was almost twenty-four weeks pregnant, carrying high-risk Identical twin girls, forever nicknamed Sunshine and Daisy. We were being heavily monitored for Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) and we were finally getting to the point where I started to believe I may be lucky enough to bring home two healthy babies.
And then, in an instant, they were gone.
Like all moms who have experienced babyloss, I started navigating through the unknown darkness that is The Grieving Process. And it was a hell I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy.
Soon there after I was pregnant again. Though I was excited and grateful to be carrying a healthy baby girl, I was overwhelmed by all the things I now knew could go wrong, and I was still very much in grief. A few weeks into that pregnancy, I decided it was not fair to myself or the new baby I was carrying to allow my grief to completely overwhelm my joy. But it’s not that easy. Grief is not a faucet you can just turn off. I felt like I just needed a spark of something joyful to help me feel even a little less depressed. And so, I started wearing sequins. Little bits, here and there, somehow helped me to be in a better mood! It seems silly, but it was almost as if the light of the sequins on the outside, helped make up for the darkness I was feeling on the inside.
I started mentioning my sequins obsession on the babyloss boards where I was a member. At first, I assumed the women there thought I was nuts. But soon I started receiving emails “I saw some sequins today and it made me think of you and it brightened my day!” or “I really didn’t want to go (somewhere), but I wore a sparkly headband and it really cheered me up!”
And then, I read that sentence “I used to be Much Muchier, But then I lost my Muchness.” That was it! The sequins were helping me tap into my long lost Muchness! On a lark, I decided to challenge myself to wear sequins every day for 30 days. It was to be my ’30 Days Of Muchness Challenge.’ I photographed my sequins every day and shared it on my Facebook wall. The response was truly overwhelming. People were so responsive and encouraging and inspired!! And for me, it was tremendously healing. I was finding my Muchness, and I was finding Myself. Reminding myself who I had been, learning who I now am, and being true to myself. After my 30 days I started my blog to bring The Muchness to a larger audience.
Since then lots of women have joined in to take the 30 Days Of Muchness Challenge on the site. Everyone’s Muchness is different, it’s not sparkle for everyone, and taking the 30 Day Challenge helps them remember what theirs is. It reminds them what they are grateful for. What gives their spirits a lift. What, besides their losses or hardships or challenges, truly defines them. They remember how to be happy. And how to find that happiness in the everyday.
And now, I am SO PSYCHED and honored that Julie from Grieve Out Loud has decided to take the Challenge!!! It’s eye-opening and so interesting to follow along with the challengers as they tentatively start their journey, unsure how they will feel in 30 Days. Will they really keep up with the challenge? Will it really affect them? Is it worth the hassle? (yes, yes, and um, yes.)
I hope you’ll follow along with Julie on her journey – and join in and take it yourself! It’s so easy to participate, anyone can do it – you can even do it from your smart phone!
It is truly
30 Days of Life
30 Days of Color
30 Days of Sparkle
30 Days of Fun
30 Days of Found Joy
30 Days of Healing
30 Days of Happy
Visit the site to read more about The Muchness Movement, meet the challengers, and check out the sequined Muchness Bands- they are ‘little bits of light to help you find your way through darkness.”
Thanks soooo much!
Stay tuned for highlights from my 30 Day Muchness Challenge starting September 1st, 2011!