Jul 16 2010

Directing Grief – Portrait of Grief

A few nights ago, grief overpowered me. My son’s first birthday is soon approaching and my mind went dark. As a bereaved parent, the bad days are beyond bad. I could not express my pain in words, so instead I took some photographs. I originally posted these photos on my personal blog, and wanted to share the result with you.

They are painful to look at, but this is what it looks like to lose a child.

In the end, the process made me feel better. Made it easier to show people what grief looks like instead of trying to use descriptive words that still do not explain the hurt and pain I suffer.

…and I know you feel it too.


May 20 2010

Directing Grief – Weekly Advice

Each month we will be answering questions regarding pregnancy and infant loss under the title “Directing Grief.” We encourage anyone reading to submit their question(s) to

This weeks question comes from an anonymous mother who has recently suffered her first miscarriage at ten weeks. For the sake of this piece, we will call her Momma A.

My husband and I have been married for three years and recently suffered a miscarriage at ten weeks. I want to try again right away but my husband doesn’t seem like he wants to. How do I talk to him about it? How long should we wait to try again? I’m so desperate to be pregnant again.” – Momma A.

Dear Momma A.,

It is quite common for a bereaved parent to have overwhelming feelings about a subsequent pregnant immediately after any type of loss. Things start to change drastically in your life with a pregnancy and suddenly the future is filled with excitement, hope and most of all the thrill of the unknown. Who wouldn’t miss all those feelings?

You definitely need to talk it out with your husband first. Do not assume he does not ever want to try again. Let him grieve his own way, even if it is silently. Maybe you can ask him if he would be interested in talking about a future pregnancy plan? Explain to him that you really want to try again sooner than later, and ask when he would like to start trying again? This is a perfect way to give you some hope and excitement back. You will then have something to look forward to, instead of feeling left in the dark.

Also keep in mind your body might not bounce right back into a cycle. Be gentle to yourself. While your body is healing physically, you can begin the journey towards healing mentally.

It all takes time Momma A., and there is no magic number. Incorporate new ways to occupy your time. Hobbies seem to do wonders. Hell, I started this entire organization during my toughest bouts with grief. Try not to focus on your next pregnancy without fully acknowledging and grieving the pregnancy you lost. Another pregnancy will not “fix” how you feel. You have to endure the waves of grief and we are here to help you whenever you need us! Please keep in touch!

Thank you for your question and good luck love!
Julie

*If you would like to submit your own question, please send your questions to