Jul 23 2010

Creative Solutions – Blogging

While pregnant I was reading dozens of pregnancy-related blogs. I couldn’t get enough of seeing ‘baby bump’ pictures, nursery pictures, and reading similar stories about the anxiety and fear of child birth. I found it comforting to know that I wasn’t alone in the world of motherhood. At the time I did not have my own blog, but planned on starting one after my son was born. To share him with the world.

But my baby died and theirs didn’t.
I hated them for that. And so, they all had to go.
Delete, delete, delete.

I did however start a blog. Instead of sharing bright, colorful pictures of my newborn son – I had a handful of black and white photos of his lifeless body to share. It wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.

What I didn’t know was that there was a community out there for us. An entire babyloss community where men and women poured their hearts and souls out just like I was. A place where everyone’s story ended the same and we all knew exactly what it felt like. A safe place where babies and pregnancy was tucked away until we were ready to deal with it. A wonderful new way of life.

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How to start a blog:

You don’t have to be a computer whiz or Mrs. Moneybags. WordPress.com and Blogger.com are two very popular services and both are free to use. Just follow the simple online instructions to activate your blog and you will be on your way. There are also privacy settings you can place on your blog such as subscription readers only, encase you don’t want the entire world to read your posts.

How to spread the word of your blog’s existence:

Now that you have some posts under your belt, it is time to connect to the babyloss community at large.

Melissa over at Stirrup Queen has the most awesomely anal list of blogs you could ever imagine. If you would like to have your blog listed with her, simply shoot her an e-mail and she will get you squared away. Lost and Found and Connections Abound is also another wonderful website to follow for updates on other babyloss mama’s along with submitting your own news.

Glow in the Woods is another great resource for sharing your blog, along with reading and interacting with their thought-provoking posts.

We at Grieve Out Loud would also like to begin posting links to your blogs. Our Team Page has links to our personal blogs and we invite you all to share your URL and a brief description of your loss(es) so we can publish them.

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Blogging might not be for everyone, but we encourage all of you to speak your grief. Grieve out loud.

To share your loss blog please comment or send an e-mail to


Jun 24 2010

Creative Solutions – Planting

*As part of our Care Packages, I have sent some of our Pen-Pals cuts from my son’s Jade Plant. Here is the full story.*

On September 18th, 2009 my son, Evel was born still. A few days after we returned from the hospital, my husband and I started a Jade Plant in his honor.

(My son’s urn [yes, a Hello Kitty boy!] and his Jade Plant.)

It has been a pleasure watching his Jade Plant grow. We just pasted the nine month mark and it amazes me how big his plant has grown. That is why I have decided to share my pleasures with some of you.

You don’t have to be a green thumb to start a small memory plant for your baby. Jade plants grow both indoors and out, although we keep ours indoors. Just place the leaf or stem in a small pot, pack it with lots of soil and give it a generous watering. If you received a leaf, it will take longer for it to grow roots, but just be patient, it will stem off. Jades like lots of sun, so make sure to put it near a window.

There are hundreds of other plants and flowers you can purchase besides Jade. A close friend of ours started a small memorial planter with Forget Me Nots:

Bleeding Hearts are another beautiful alternative.

In short, Jade Plants are my personal favorite for memorial plants. They grow with such ease and are beautiful to look at. I hope that those of you who have received a cut from the Evel Tree will plant it with love and know that we are thinking of you and your family at this difficult time. We also hope you send us some pictures so we can post them!


May 27 2010

Creative Solutions – Sewing

My nesting instincts were fierce in my last trimester. I could have cleaned circles around Alice from The Brady Bunch the day before I went into labor. In fact, my husband once ‘busted me’ cleaning the tiny cracks between the bathroom tiles with a q-tip. Anyways…

Besides cleaning, my creative side emerged too. The hands-on crafty earth mother who wanted everything my son would play with and wear to be handmade. His nursery was completely custom made, down to the crib sheets. We’re talking curtains and quilts and onesies, even hats and gloves. It was a very creative time for me. For all of us really.

…but when our son was born still and we can home empty-armed, my creative juices died too. My sewing machine was shoved in a corner and collected inches upon inches of dog and cat hair. All his handmade clothes were shoved deep into the dresser drawers we decoupaged. His crib was torn down in mere seconds and everything ‘baby’ was shoved into a closet. Out of sight, out of mind.

Weeks went by and the thought of creating something with my hands was no where to be found. It felt painful to create something that wasn’t for him.

But one day something caught my eye and my creativity sparked. And soon I found myself digging through my scrap fabric bin sewing random fabric swatches together – not really creating ‘anything’ just creating ‘something.’

What we ended up with was a creation for my son using all the scrap fabric from all of the projects I ever created for him. Pieces from his crib sheets, his curtains, his little hoodie – everything. It looked like this:

At that moment my creative solution for my pain, my loneliness and especially my grief was sewing. Sewing this goofy fish-like character in my son’s honor. It’s something that I will cherish forever. It’s like holding a tiny piece of my broken heart.

Submitted by Julie M.

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What kind of projects did you tackle after your loss? We’d love to know!